coming home... i lost myself again... or maybe i've always been lost... the most annoying question "what do you want to do?"... if i had the calling, i wouldn't be lost, PEOPLE!!! i wouldn't answer "i don't know" or give the generic or typical answer "i'll do masters in few years time" or the answer clearly to stop the questions "i'll marry a rich man"...

having the luck of meeting a good mentor is not that great to me... i feel the pressure.. i feel the expectations... can i do it? can i really do it? have i grown enough to handle this job? have i even grow after all these years?? or am i blinded by my own happy facade??

have not released my frustration and helplessness since i came home... but tears just flowed when i talked to a particular someone... weird isn't it? i was once told that i was weak because i cry too much and did not solve any of my problems... i told meself not to cry anymore... but i forgot how therapeutic it was to me...

i scold myself.. why do you listen to others so much? why do you let others make you feel stupid? why am i such a superficial being? i have only one answer:

i hate myself.

Wow.. we have parallel entries. I know what you mean about feeling pressure, fearing to not make expectations.. all that.


The one piece of advice I offer you is this: we've only got one life -- it's up to us to do something worth while with it. We may not be big successes, but as long as we do more good than bad.. it'll be alright.. right?
» Dilated on 2008-10-02 08:09:19

just do whatever makes you happy. you have my best wishes and support, always.

» fern (122.105.66.141) on 2008-10-06 11:55:26

i always see that pressure is always around us, its how we abstain it from taking control of our life.

i came across this phrase - " dont be afraid to say what you want and be yourself, people that care are those that dont matters and those who dont care are those who mattters"
» AlexisNg on 2008-11-03 12:45:28

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