2009 came just like that....
there was no fireworks....
just paperwork lying on my desk....

i did not make any new year resolutiong....
nor did i reflect on the past year 2008...
i just let it be...
and take things as they are...

did i lose my purpose in life??

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i wish i still have you...
you will wipe away my tears when i cry...
you will kiss me good night when it is dark...
you will listen to me when i need to pour my heart out...

you are so far...
you are not mine anymore....
i can only see you in my dreams...
i wish i still have you...

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will you work 2 jobs to get more money??

downside would be fatigue, less time with friends and family, less time for yourself...

I want to do traveling... so am thinking of being a private tutor... to have more money to do travelling... but i'm lazy... why am i lazy?? coz i want to rest.. and just chill at home after work...

some of you might say... where's ur motivation??

mine is long gone... or maybe not so long ago...

JUST KICK ME IN THE BUTT!!

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a friend messaged me... asking where i am...

i told him i'm home...

got lectured on why i didn't call him... BUT...

he asked me to join a road trip he's planning with his gang... and i'm considered half member of the gang...

i was surprised and touched that people do think of me...

but i have not kept in touch with them... hhmmm... am i bad??

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coming home... i lost myself again... or maybe i've always been lost... the most annoying question "what do you want to do?"... if i had the calling, i wouldn't be lost, PEOPLE!!! i wouldn't answer "i don't know" or give the generic or typical answer "i'll do masters in few years time" or the answer clearly to stop the questions "i'll marry a rich man"...

having the luck of meeting a good mentor is not that great to me... i feel the pressure.. i feel the expectations... can i do it? can i really do it? have i grown enough to handle this job? have i even grow after all these years?? or am i blinded by my own happy facade??

have not released my frustration and helplessness since i came home... but tears just flowed when i talked to a particular someone... weird isn't it? i was once told that i was weak because i cry too much and did not solve any of my problems... i told meself not to cry anymore... but i forgot how therapeutic it was to me...

i scold myself.. why do you listen to others so much? why do you let others make you feel stupid? why am i such a superficial being? i have only one answer:

i hate myself.

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jealousy among siblings...

jealousy among friends...

jealousy among lovers...

jealousy, the word that describes a very unpleasant emotion

jealousy, the negative emotion/ feeling that destroys trust between two people who care about each other...

jealousy, drives people up the wall.... or may costs you a good relationship...

however, jealousy proves that you really care about that person you are jealous of... makes you realize that perhaps this person is really important...

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