Just finished watching "How to train your dragon"... it was good.. I liked it... and now.. i would like to have a pet dragon!! they're kinda cute in the movie... muahhaha... i got carried away with my ability to imagine and dream of the unreal world... where what u'll do is play with your pet dragon all day long... which will also be your occupation... THAT WILL BE SOOOOOO COOOOOLLLLLL!!!!!!!

have been dilly dally at work today.. which is bad.. suppose to be super busy at all times.. instead, i walk around.. just running errands... they say i'm still the head.. but what head? bimbo head?? i think that's more like it... i can't do decisions.. i can't lead people... i just can't live like this...

i need a dragon to fire up my soul... can i please have a pet dragon for christmas, Santa?? I promise i'll be extra good...

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today, i informed me boss of a P&C information regarding a client.. and we sent things to show our concern...

little did i know... our gesture caused tension and upset in that family... particularly for the mother of client.. as she informed me of her circumstances and asked me to not tell anyone... i can't imagine what emotion stress my actions have caused her... i dun even feel remorse or bad... i'm numb....

is something wrong with me? i can just ignore and dun care of what has happened... i go home.. watch TV.. and enjoy CSI, HAwaii Five-O... the mother commented that maybe i don't understand as i am not married, don't live with the husband's family which happens to be prominent as well...

so now i'm brainless... not understanding... bimbo... ?? GREAT!!

i seriously think i need to step down from my position... the last straw????????

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sitting here in front of the comp...
waiting...
for that window to pop up and blink....
a simple "hello"...

when the wait is longer...
when the response is slower...
i feel like an idiot...
waiting....

is that all I can do?
should i do something more?
is it ok if i just sit back?
go with the flow....

imagine scenes of us together...
that's what i always do...
but not think of compatibility...
not thinking ahead...

the sweet feeling...
the excited feeling...
made me lose my logical reasoning...

i shall go and sleep away....

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i dream of becoming a ballerina... a dancer... who shines so bright on the stage.... who makes stories come alive on stage...

i dream of becoming a potter...spending my time creating art work that speaks...

i dream of becoming a capable person... who has everything organized and carried out perfectly.. who can do just about everything.... who is calm even though faced with difficulties....

i dream of becoming a passionate lover... who gives selflessly and receives as well... who just knows how to play the relationship game....

i dream of becoming a creator... who can create magical music pieces that touch other's heart... who can use music to reach those who are different from normal people...

i dream of having a library ..... which will have all the books I want to read... which brings me great knowledge....

though i never dreamed of being happy or content with my life.... i dream of a magic pill which will help take away the inner voice that holds me back... AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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today... i had meeting with the foreign students for handover.. was supposed to finish everything before lunch time.. so that i can CUT MY HAIR!!!!

however, the day didn't happen as i visioned... one of my favorite bag is peeling skin... i'll have to throw it away as the fake leather skin is flaky and peeling!!!!!!!! sad factor no. 1.

then the meeting dragged on until 7pm!!!was supposed to end by 12 or 1pm!! yet it ended sooooooo late... i didn't get to cut my hair!!!!!!! and present a new me?? sad factor no. 2.

wanted to relax at home, watch the drama series i bought after the meeting and hair cut.. BUT didn't get to do anything!!! wasted time factor no.1.

when will i learn to be more productive and effective?? when will i learn not to show my tiredness??? when will i learn to be on top of everything??????

WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO TAKE CHARGE OF MY OWN LIFE?? but when things are in my hand.. the outcome is not always desirable, sometimes disappointing even...

i dun want to live... i have that thought... it's normal for me that i dun understand why others scold me for having that thought... i need help?? few friends think that all i need is a boyfriend.. to make me feel good... to me.. it's not the solution.. it might make matters worse...

relationship matters... i'm always on the receiving end... i would wait and be lead..i rather not go thru the emotion roller coaster... avoid the possibility of me overwhelmed by emotions and hinder my job performance.. damn, i'm weak!!

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